Sloww Recovery

Things are finally starting to look a little bit better. This is the first day I noticed a (albeit, minimal) reduction in the swelling that makes me somewhat resemble Mrs. Piggy...blergh. But it is starting to go down finally, thank goodness! I'm starting to glimpse what the end result will be, and I have no doubt I'll be so, so happy. Already, I actually have a NORMAL bite, which turns out to be extremely cool, although I haven't been able to use it yet. And I'm not gonna have to avoid the right side of my face anymore in pictures, once the swelling goes down of course :) That will be happiness.

The annoyances remain strong, however. It's ironic that I have had a milkshake almost every day for the past 5 days, because that's one of the few things I CAN eat, and I'd quickly trade said luxury for one of the meals my family has had for dinner. I miss pasta and vegetables and just being able to chew things. My mother has whipped up some incredibly yummy soups for me--this morning I had one that tasted JUST like baked potato (including sour cream), followed by clam chowder. But even something that tastes delicious just isn't as great as the real thing, because there's nothing chunky...ya know, I can't chew the potato. Sigh. I'm really, really hoping I'll be able to switch to the "soft" diet after my next appointment (I'd be able to actually eat pasta, oh myyy goodness!), but too much wishful thinking will probably get me into trouble...

Either way, today is the 9th day following my surgery--that means, about 3 weeks until I can definitely start to sort of chew things again! I cannot wait.

A Little Bit Longer

It's been a long time since I've written on here. I took to tumblr more than blogger, which is strange, because there are far fewer people who can read what I write on the other site. Maybe I subconsciously don't like people knowing what's in my head? I know that's at least a little true.

I'm starting to figure out just how much music means to me. Songs are my blogs. My ability to make sense of what I'm thinking and put it out there for people to hear. I plan to work on putting them out a whole lot more, after my surgery.

One more week...I can't begin to explain how much I want next Friday to be here.

You see, I've never said this straight out to anyone, really, but I'm incredibly self-conscious about the way my face looks, as a result of my deformed jaw. I know that nobody else notices it. You could tell me that a million times (some people have), and it wouldn't change how I feel. You see, just because you don't know what something is doesn't mean you don't see it. People see me all the time. They're used to how my face looks. They just don't realize that it's not supposed to look exactly the way it does right now. Somewhere along the way, my jawbone on my right side decided to take a break from growing. And I notice at all. the. time. And they're finally going to fix it. I feel like leaping in a field of flowers, I get so happy when I think about it.

Because, I hate feeling self-conscious about things. Utterly and completely hate it. I like feeling confident, like nothing can touch me unless I let it.