Happy Place

Oh week, why can't you go faster? :/

But I'm happy. Life is gooood except for chemistry. haha I'm dreading that AP test...but I have to pass it cause I don't wanna have to take chem ever again!! so stressful. But thanks to God, literally, half of my stress has like evaporated into thin air. It's so so so amazing. I don't know how, but it did. And now I'm not gonna worry at all because everything always falls into place. I've seen it. God is so good.

<3 stephanie

Walls Fall Down

The walls fall down. Everything falls down. She crouches at first out of fear, but slowly lifts her head, slowly straightens herself.

Tall and strong. New blood rushing through her veins.

Now she sees how the walls were so very high, encaging her. Blocking out the sun, the moon, the stars. These she could only see through through the cracks. Bright, shining glimpses of the things outside of her wall. Five 1/2 inches deep.

But it falls down.
And she's free.

And suddenly has a new favorite day of the week.

Hiding

It's weird how sometimes someone you never noticed much before suddenly gets your attention. And then you wonder why you never really saw them before.

I am curious.

Within Enemy Lines

Summer '09 = summer of adventures. and awesomeness.

Aye, I've decided that.

And I realize now how practically every blog I've written has in some way related to the same thing. That's sad.

So. Today made me very, very happy. I love how I brought my laptop to church, assuming I'd reach a point where I wanted to use it, but that never happened =D I can't believe I never talked to those guys before. Oh boy will we have some fun times in youth group. Laser tag, camping, oh yes. And it was also lovely playing piano all alone in a room haha.

Untangling

I think I'm onto something.

My mind is so sporadic. Spontaneity is a good thing, but sometimes it's just too spontaneous. And sometimes I can't get it to work. Like a factory and all the right bolts are in place but the machines just...refuse to budge. But they will spontaneously start. And this machinery is so twisted & weird I'm not sure how to translate its language into English.

But I wanna untangle it. Especially that one really twisted part. Well, for me its not twisted anymore. I finally, totally, complete, get it. No regrets, no questions asked. But me understanding isn't enough...

They should make a Stephanie-to-English dictionary. Mass produce it. I'd pay for it.

Who Am I Kidding To Even Think

It's funny how I woke up this morning insanely sleepy & barely pulled myself out of bed with enough time to get ready in 15 minutes (and well...it wasn't really enough time...). but the part is that i remember thinking to myself--"there's something about today, maybe it's a day for a miracle." Yes, that's a quote from a movie ;), but not my point. I honestly thought today would be a good day. I wore a tanktop thinking it'd be hot like monday, and then...it wasn't hot. It was windy. Cold. Clouds stretched eerily above me, threatening to bring more random rain. Random for me anyways. I don't pay attention to the weather report, apparently.

I'm not gonna lie and see my entire day was terrible, cuz plenty of good things happened. ahahaha rubber duckies...anywayz. It's just...well I don't even wanna say. But today? A day for a miracle?

I don't think so.

stephanie

Stupid for You

[Stupid? perhaps. But I don't think so.] ^listen to the song up there :)

Stupid For You - Marie Digby

It's not everyday
That I meet a person quite like you
Perfect every way
I finally found the nerve to confess that it's you
That I want

I don't care if I act a fool
I would damn near beg for you
Put aside all my pride
So don't keep me hanging here
Cause this girl is falling stupid for you

Oooh, ooh ooh
Oh, stupid for you
Oooh, ooh ooh
Oh

The proper thing to do
Is for me to act like a lady and wait
For you to make the first move
But I don't think you're getting the point
That it's you that I want

I don't care if I act a fool
I would damn near beg for you
Put aside all my pride
So don't keep me hanging here
Cause this girl is falling stupid for you

Oooh, ooh ooh
Oh, stupid for you
Oooh, ooh, ooh
Oh'

Why's it always feel like I am
Chasing love when nothing's there
But here I go just making the same mistake
Falling stupid for you

Oooh, ooh, ooh
Oh, stupid for you
Oooh, ooh, ooh
Oh, stupid for you

Breathing, Breathing Underwater

I have been staring at this page for a very long time, trying to figure out what to write.

Not knowing is killing me
Where's the way inside your soul?
we've gotta let it grow..

Admittedly, I downloaded two of Marie Digby's new songs that aren't actually released yet...I couldn't resist :P And now they're stuck in my head but I LOVE them so much.

Tell me where you been hiding
Oh I wanna know
you're my silver lining covered in gold
Tell me what am I feeling
well it's hard to explain
like underwater breathing swimming in rain.

ok. I don't think I have anything interesting to say right now...Break is WAY TOO SHORT. gar. I didn't even have enough time to play electric guitar & write some more music...

and. hm. getting your hopes up--good or bad?

I had a feeling this post would be pointless lol

k bye,
stephanie

In Theory.

There's this thing called trust. It's like, you tell someone a secret or just something really important to them, and they trust you won't tell anyone. That's what you base a friendship on, and everything. Without it, you've got nothing. Literally. Nothing. Just a blank page, upon which you might scribble here and there, trying to make something work that will inevitably fail.

I know I've messed up before, told stuff I shouldn't have. Even circumstances that happened years and years ago...I can still remember them. I hope those people can forgive me. I hope they can trust me now. Stupid mistakes, yes, but I knew what I was doing...I hope they didn't cause anything too serious.

I trust a lot of people. Most of my friends. The barrier I can't get across is my family...you should, in theory, be able to tell your family everything, you should be even closer to your family than your friends. But in my life, that's not true. There was a time when I trusted them very, very much. But then I learned. Somewhere along the line, I stopped trusting them. I drew a line, and now I stubbornly refuse to step across it. It's easier for some than others, though. I dunno.

I guess my point is...I myself need to learn, and everyone needs to remember once in a while, just how important it is to be able to trust people, and be trusted by them. It's so very important.

stephanie

First Day of My Life; Bright Eyes

This is the first day of my life,
Swear I was born right in the doorway,
I went out in the rain suddenly everything changed,
They're spreading blankets on the beach

Yours is the first face that I saw,
Think I was blind before I met you,
And I don't know where I am, I don't know where I've been,
But I know where I want to go,
And so I thought I'd let you know

Yeah these things take forever,
I especially am slow,
But I realized that I need you,
And I wondered if I could come home

Remember the time you drove all night,
Just to meet me in the morning,
And I thought it was strange you said everything changed,
You felt as if you'd just woke up

And you said this is the first day of my life,
I'm glad I didn't die before I met you,
But now I don't care I could go anywhere with you,
And I'd probably be happy
So if you want to be with me,

With these things there's no telling,
We just have to wait and see
But I'd rather be working for a paycheck,
Than waiting to win the lottery,
Besides maybe this time it's different,
I mean I really think you like me

With Ringing Applause

hm hm I think it'd be so cool to walk on the moon. Just get out of this place and go somewhere real and amazing and awesome. Yes, the moon fits that description haha. I guess. Maybe it's all bleak up there and...boring if you're alone...but it'd at least be better for a while.

And now for something completely different.

Hands clapping, voices calling, faces smiling. I wanna see that & hear that & be the cause of that once in my life. Just once. I don't need to be gloriously famous, holding an Oscar in my hand with tears in my eyes (actually, that would be completely amazing & I dream that might happen someday lol). But really. I wanna do something spectacular & leave it for the world to remember. I wanna do great things.

Maybe not go to the moon or see the stars or see the bottom of the ocean and discover some never-before-imagined giant sea monster hahaha. But something. Write a book people really love, not just because it's some fluffy romance story like Twilight. Or make a movie that touches the heart, but in an entirely unique way. Just be unique. I am unique. I have always been unique. But I haven't always felt that way & fully embraced it. Now I do.

I just wanna be me.

Bad Day

now that I think about it...this is the first literally bad day in a long time. haha. guess it was inevitable.... :/

however, playing outside with my little sis was really really fun! XD

can't wait for spring break!!