Solve the Jumble

I just finished watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I feel all jumbled up--a side effect of the crazyy perspective stuff throughout the movie, I'm sure. But I get jumbled up a lot anyways.

Here I pause and take a deep breath. I'm not sure...about a lot of things related to my life. I know I don't wanna re-live the past. And I know I wanna be happy, free, adventurous, and on from there. I can make myself seem patient if I want to or have to, but I'm really not. I want everything right now, right this second. I don't wanna waste anymore time without it.

But... it's not a waste. Even all of the so-called wasted time I've spent this week watching movie after movie isn't really a waste, because they made me think. (I do need to get out of the house more though, or at least away from my computer screen.) There's no such thing as wasted time unless you hate what you're doing. And if you hate what you're doing, stop right now and move somewhere else. Do something you want to do. Do something that makes you happy, something worthwhile for you.

So there. I haven't wasted any time. All of my jumbled-up thoughts were there for a reason. I always end up where I'm supposed to be.

I'm glad.

Summer '09

I feel like getting my summer assignment out of the way haha, so I can just have FREEDOM and an amazing summer of epicness.

Mann I'm excited. ;)

Farewell to it All

I read through all of my old blogs today. I need to remember, learn, and then say goodbye to it all. This is what I learned.

Be honest with yourself.
Don't regret.
Stars & Jesus & friends make everything better.
Keep them close.
It's ok to be sad.
Don't forget.
Take a chance.
Don't focus your life on the impossible, though.
Keep secrets.
Don't wait until it's too late.

"You want to find someone who won't blame you, won't tell you you're crazy. Someone who will just listen and try to understand, even if he doesn't really. Someone who will trust you and let you have your moment of silence when you're struggling for words--something to say that will finally get them to realize exactly what you mean when you speak. Because then you won't feel alone anymore. Someone will be able to understand and love you unconditionally."

live, laugh, love <3

Goodbye, almost lover.
Past, just let me be.

You changed me without even trying. I know who I am now. Thank you for that.

Someday You Will Be Loved; DCFC

I had not heard this song in a very, very long time. I used to not wanna listen to it because it made me kinda mad, it was like taunting me.

But ya know what's even worse? Now I see its truth.

Now I can't stand it even more.

Even though it's a good song...


I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved

Senior Year

Today is pretty much the last day of school for my senior friends. Well there's still Monday, but right now it's Friday, and it's hit me that I am really going to be a senior next year. 12th grade. Almost to college. In the Iliad there's a list of names and colleges, showing who's going where. Next year I'll be on that list.

It's so, so crazy. High school really is going by fast. When you're in the moment stressing about some test or assignment, you don't think about the broader picture and where you are in the scheme of things. But we are far. Almost there. Four more days and we're seniors.

I am so excited.

Someday

my name will mean something.