I hope

I'm following God's plan so far....help me to follow your plan God. :)

Help me to not worry.
Help me to not be afraid.
Help me to be wise.
Help me to know it's all gonna work out okay.

And yay! I can find peace and courage.

And I might not have failed after all....that would sure be nice.

.stephanie.

p.s. Namárië November :) (and the rhyming above was totally unintentional)

Paint me in your sunshine

Paint me in your sunshine
Wake my sleepy eyes
Round me in your comfort
Stay with me for all of time

Reach your hand, I'll follow
Darken clouds for your rays of hope

Paint me in your sunshine
Walk with me stay by my side
Fill my head with stories
For love and war and glory

Reach your hand, I'll follow
Light the path that will lead me home

One day the world will grow colder
Everything we've come to cherish crumbles
And only then will we turn back
And remember your glow

Paint me in your sunshine
Leave the part of you behind
Tell me where I'll find you
Send me off to another day
Til we meet tomorrow

Reach your hand, I'll follow
Hold me close
Til the day that I grow old

I love how music makes me happy. :) And this song is so much fun to play on guitar.

.stephanie.

Just gotta say

Why do I LET myself hide stuff from myself? Or tell myself I'm fine, when I'm really not? -__- I just hate suddenly feeling really overwhelmed and realizing I DO care, even if I was telling myself I don't...

I need to start being completely honest with myself. Like seriously. Even though I had a good reason this time for trying to ignore it....actually maybe if there is a good enough reason, then it's okay for a bit...um yeah. I don't know. I need to think some more. And find out whether my worry was even justified or not...

.stephanie.

Regret

It's really annoying when you just kinda say stuff without thinking. Or when you don't say what you wan't to say...

In the first situation, you end up regretting it and wishing you could go back and say something different. Change the past. I wish time travelling were possible. Regret is such an annoying reality...and of course there's no point regretting anything because you CAN'T do anything to change it. But it's so hard to accept mistakes when you make them...it's human nature to want the power to control things, so when we get stuck unable to do anything we of course get angry. And then we're just stuck, unable to move. "Forget regret, or life is yours to miss." That's from Rent, a movie/musical I happen to love. And the saying is so true. You have to learn to let go of your mistakes--learn from them, yes, but then let them go. Accept them and move on. Just don't forget what you learned.

And then when you keep things inside, cause you're afraid or something, that's also bad...I have that problem a lot, keeping stuff inside of me instead of letting it out. But I'm learning. I've gotten better. Writing helps a lot, and also just saying whatever comes to mind. Although then regret might come into play if I make a mistake...it's such a fine line. Choosing what to say. How do you even know if you're saying the right thing? You don't know how the other person will respond...so it's all about faith. Trusting God and trusting yourself, knowing He won't let you make a mistake so big you can't fix it.

You just can't be afraid.

<3 stephanie

November 28th

How is it already November 28th? I'm amazed at how quickly time goes by...it seems like just yesterday I was sitting at my friend's house on New Year's Eve, thinking to myself how in the year ahead so much could change. And it has.... But that's how life is supposed to be, right? Things change all the time, and it's our job to do the best we can when things change...find our footing again, get back on track.

"Wish you could go back and tell yourself what you know now."

I wonder if someday I'll think that to myself...I wonder if I'll wish I could come back to this exact moment and tell myself what I should do. Why does there have to be so much doubt and worry all the time...why can't things just be clear and obvious? Instead I have to always question myself and wonder if I'm making the right choices.

I guess I just have to believe I've done something right, and hope things will work out the way they're supposed to. But they will. I just have to believe.

<3 stephanie