All You Need

Sometimes taking a chance is all you want.
And all you need.

sincerely,
Stephanie

Homecoming

It's way too stressful. How to get a date, who to get for a date?? da da daah see how annoying it is? Maybe I'm just too picky. But I have a feeling almost everyone I know will have a date by the time October 17 comes around. So I feel obligated to get one, too.

-_-

Options are few.

Only for a Second

I said once, many months ago, that I was sick of hesitating. Pausing, stopping, thinking, waiting before you do something. Even if just for a second.

Now I realize that sometimes hesitation is a good thing. It can save you from doing something terrible. Making a bad impression. But only for a second. It's all you've got.

Come Find Me

It's precious and indescribable.

I'm getting ready. I might be ready soon. Maybe. Only God knows.

Neglected

Forever, I have been neglected. The middle child. I'm not rebellious enough or time-consuming enough to capture the attention.

I know they didn't intend for it to be this way. And I'm not mad at them.

WHAT is wrong with my older sister? I want my parents to just get over her and realize she's not worth it. That would make everything better. Because right now she is the center of attention, and she. is. not. worth it.

Remember our World

Maybe I post song lyrics a lot. But when I write a song, it means something to me. A whole lot of something.

I tried to write this one for years. Finally I got the words right last night. It's amazing how a song can sometimes take such a long time and then come out so fast.

---

I'm sorry it's over
The headline said forever
Thought I had the best of the better
Turns out you ripped up my letter

Everything is easier said than done
So I'll keep what I've won
Go ahead, let your life unfurl
Just remember our world
Remember our world
Remember that girl

She disappeared, and I swear
Don't know how it happened
Nothing but a chain reaction
Could've undone our satisfaction

Everything is easier said than done
So I'll keep what I've won
Go ahead, let your life unfurl
Just remember our world
Remember our world
Remember that girl

You said this love
Is the best you've had
Now I don't know you
And it's just to bad
I shoulda known this wouldn't work

Cause everything is easier said than done
So I'll keep what I've won
Go ahead, let your life unfurl
Just remember our world
Remember our world
Remember our world
Please remember
Remember that girl

Just a Fool

Fabulous dreams play in the sky
But you don't know what's in my mind
There's a stop sign and a crosslight
Holds you back
I don't know how to say the facts
It's your call this time

And I'm nothing but a fool
But I need you to see right through
You cross a line, look in my eye
Believe me boy, you blow my mind
There's still so much more to me
To me

Been defending all my life
When I read between the lines
Something holds me back every time
There's a window to my soul
I can't love you anymore
Unless you break down the walls
So nothing can stop our song

And I'm nothing but a fool
But I need you to see right through
You cross a line, look in my eye
Believe me boy, you blow my mind
There's still so much more to me
To me

You can send me boxes filled with pearls
But that won't do the trick
You can search around the world
But you'll open up your heart if you want this girl

And I'm no one, just a fool
But I need you to see right through
You cross a line, look in my eye
Believe me boy, you blow my mind
There's still so much more to me
To me

And I'm no one, just a fool
But fool's got something inside too
You cross a line, look in my eye
Believe me boy, you blow my mind
There's still so much more to me
To me

Just a fool, just a fool

And I'm no one, just a fool
But a fool can't help loving you

All The Names That Brought Us Here

I'm hoping
I'm waiting
I'm praying you are the one.

Heart-wrenching

I can't stop listening to the Forrest Gump soundtrack. I want it to be the soundtrack of my own life. No joke. It's so beautiful. Especially this one part...it just touches my heart so, so much.

Something I've been thinking about is that God always knows better than me, and sometimes it's hard to accept that fact. But I'm learning to let it go, and just go with flow. Things and people pop out of nowhere and impact me drastically. It's weird. But awesome. I've just gotta keep strumming my guitar and singing my heart out, learning from the people around me. I think that'll do the trick.

And, yesterday was wonderful. I finally confided something to my mother that I should've told her a very long time ago, but I refrained for various reasons. It feels good getting things off your chest. You don't have to bear the burden yourself anymore.

I love my mother. And my family, and my friends. Thank you all.

Stephanie

Sweet Dreams

How do you know if it's a sweet dream
or a beautiful nightmare?
I would've gone with you to the end.
But I don't understand.

Stephanie.

Eyes Meet, Electricity

Is it weird when people do this nowadays--lock eyes with each other while they speak? I don't know about everyone else, but I realized that I don't do that a whole lot. I tend to want to look around, because it feels awkward when you lock eyes with someone. Like you're looking into their soul or something. And the people I speak to usually do the same, when I think to notice anyways.

Except...I caught myself actually doing it today, and it didn't feel awkward. It felt right. And it made me think. Maybe I should lock eyes more often. Maybe it leaves you with a different kind of connection, something you've never felt before.

sincerely,
Stephanie

The Beginning

I wish I could've documented what I prayed last night. It was weird...I didn't know what to say until I was saying it, but when I heard the words they sounded right. Hm. But it worked...as I talked to God I sorted through the things that were bothering me and came out of it feeling better. :)

So, it's the last day of summer. What an amazing, memorable summer. I won't ever forget it, but I look forward to the new experiences this school year will bring.

stephanie

Candles

Smell really good. So do flowers. Everyone should slow down, take a minute to smell something like roses or candles. That'd make the world a lot better, I think. A moment's hesitation, a moment of contentment.

love,
stephanie

P.S. I should exercise more.

P.S.S. I really wish my husband would hurry up already and show his face! oh, patience.

What I Should've Said Before

I haven't blogged in a while. I realized a while back how similar all of my posts were that it made blogging feel like some stupid way for me to keep going through the same struggles, the same questioning, the same everything without learning or changing or anything. So I stepped back, tried to focus on my real life more, rather than what to write about in my next blog post.

I'm finding myself sinking into my old habit of completing things in a timely manner, and gaining enjoyment from learning. It's a beautiful thing. I lost much of this spark somehow last year. Pre-senioritis perhaps. I got to be such a flake though. Things like facebook and a boy took control of my life. This summer is different though. This summer has been about changing, and learning, and living, for once. I met so many amazing new people. I got to know some better, and fell away a little bit with some I haven't spoken to in a while. I want to change that.

For a couple days, I was really scared. I suddenly felt...unwanted, even by my friends, people I thought enjoyed my company. I have no idea why this happened. But for the first time I really stopped and wondered whether people like me, or whether I'm something bothersome. I'm still not entirely convinced. But the day after this questioning, I spontaneously went to my cousin's house in Temecula and hung out with him for three days, making music and having fun. Such perfect timing, because all of a sudden someone totally, legitimately wanted to hang out with me. So that quelched my worry. Thank you, God, for those few days :) And today was wonderful too, hanging with my girlfriends. I love them. I think they love me. Nah, I know they do.

I have another fear though--fear that I cannot and will not be patient enough to keep my mouth shut and not ruin something very important to me. Love is a complicated issue, yet a simple realization when it is right. Too much of me wants to experience it now, rather than later. But it's not my time yet. So I need patience. Pray for me.

The Curse of the Bracelet

Sounds like the title of a book. But it's not. It's a real life story! =O

No, seriously. I have this bracelet with really pretty beads, shaded olive green and this beautiful shade of pink and other colors, and a little star charm in the middle, that my grandma gave me for Christmas last year. I love it so much, and as soon as I got it I wanted to wear it everyday. But then, whenever I'd wear it, the day would not turn out that great. Back then I liked a boy, and I wore this bracelet a couple times on a day I was supposed to see him, and then he wouldn't turn up. Stuff like that sounds stupid I'm sure...but after a while I really felt like the bracelet was unlucky. And I've worn it very, very rarely since then.

Today, I decided I didn't care if it made my day unlucky, I'd wear it anyways. So I did. And I went out. And for a while it seemed like things would not go well. But I'm a strong girl, so I took a deep breath and prepared to go on with my life and just get through today, it wouldn't matter in the long run anyways.

And so I was incredibly surprised when things suddenly changed for the better. So surprised I didn't know how to meet these new circumstances. I didn't feel ready. But I evolved, did what I had to, and had quite a good day because of it.

I think I broke the curse. I think it wasn't ever really a curse--I just made it into one to find some reason why the day didn't turn out the way I wanted it to. But this day turned out alright. Finally.

I'll wear it again next time to make sure.