Fade Away

I seem to think that complaining will actually make something change, but it doesn't. It's useless, pointless, not worth it...but does that mean you just bottle your anger/depression/whatever inside? I do that too. All the time. I wonder when the last time was that I let someone see my when I was crying, or even know that I was. My parents think they know me, but they don't at all. I feel so fake around them. But then it's like...natural, at the same time. I might be sad in my room, but as soon as I walk out that door a smile and contentment sink immediately into my expression. I wonder when I started doing that. It's like engrained in my persona now...but then, I don't want them to know. It's easier.

I remember at the end of 8th grade, not the last day of school, but a couple days before it. That was the day my friends were leaving for Colorado. I cried then, in front of them of course. We didn't care, all of us were crying. I was so sad. I cried myself to sleep a couple notes, stayed kinda depressed for a while after that. And then...it kinda faded away. Of course I still missed them, but it did get easier. Only...I wish now it hadn't, because then maybe I would've picked up the phone and called them, kept in touch. Now I haven't talked to them in a couple months. I think they don't want to talk to me even, cause I've tried recently and gotten no response. I don't know what happened to the phone number I had written down.

It makes me sad now, thinking about change and how bad it can be sometimes. Why is it so easy to lose your attachment to someone? You don't wanna always be sad, so you try to forget...but sometimes it goes too far and you really forget. You see him or her again, and it doesn't feel the same. What used to be so easy and perfect just isn't anymore.

I miss them.

And I wish so many things right now. It all just gets to be too much sometimes.

sincerely,
stephanie

Edit: k, I was wrong about Ashley, thank goodness :)