I Remembered

Today was good. Much better than the previous two days, and for a very different reason than I expected.

God is good. =)

I realized I've been going to this new church for officially a year now. It amazes me when I looked back and see how things have changed, how I've both fallen away from and come back to God. I'm still working on it. I haven't been trying very hard, I know. I get way too focused on things that distress--gosh, I even find things to worry about, instead of just letting it all fall away like I once did. It's still very difficult to give up my power...let it go...stop worrying.

But I remembered today how to do that. I remembered that God is really there. I finally felt Him. For weeks I've been asking Him to show Himself to me again...I felt like I was talking aimlessly to the ceiling, at least partially. Crying to the air. But I still knew, deep down, he was there. I just let my mind cloud over and push Him to the back of it, til it's dark like a cave and I can barely see Him anymore.

Today I remembered. Today I saw. Our priest's sermon today was just what I needed to her, about how through God all things are possible, if we only say yes to Him with every inch of our being. If it's according to His will, if it's the right thing, He will help us find a way. Even when it seems like there is no way, every path is blocked, not even the tiniest opening appears anywhere near or far away.

He's there and He loves me and He's watching. He knows everything and therefore He knows what's best for me. So how is it I still let myself fill with fear, worry, and distress? He's the only thing that truly matters.

Yes, God is good. =)