like the wind

I was reading through these random journals of mine and it made me laugh, lol. I always used to get notebooks or diaries or whatever and write a little and tell myself I would devote time every day to continue. Of course, that pattern always stopped very soon after...I'm now wondering why. I think a lot--too much perhaps. But it's as if these thoughts aren't really tangible and the kind I can transfer to the paper. They're too complex and I don't even have a true hold of them in my own mind. Or just too repetitive and always brushing the same topic. These thoughts are like wisps of cloud or a piece of a dandelion picked up and carried away by the wind. I can glimpse them and see them in front of me, but I can't latch onto them.

This isn't always true. I suppose there are also many times when I know what I'm thinking, but I have no desire to share my mind with anyone else. Or just not the person I'm with at the time. It's always different. Speaking a lot and always saying what you think can be a very good thing, because you aren't bottling anything up inside. But you're also risking a lot. You could end up sounding like a fool or hearing someone tell you you are simply and literally crazy. You can never tell, and so it comes down to trusting a person enough--knowing they love you and will always love you no matter what you do or say. No matter how far you stray from the way you were intending to go. No matter how insane your thoughts might be. You can't care what they might think of you, because if they truly give up on you after hearing what to say, they're just not a real friend, and that's that.

This is purely a thought process I just found myself involved in right now, by the way. I do still have trouble trusting sometimes, but I know I'm much farther than I was a long time ago--even just a year ago. It's a reality I am most definitely thankful for :)

stephanie